Monday, 20 April 2015

My faith doesn't come first.

Dominican Republic wasn't just a one hit wonder and I can see that now.

It was a catalyst to a new rhythm of living, and nearly three years later that rhythm continues.

I can't tell you if it's the healthiest way to live, but I sure as anything find it exciting - taking on different adventures, growing further and more, getting stuck and unstuck. Walking within miracles.

Ultimately, taking the dare to live {safely}.

And somehow it has taken me to the tops of buildings and in front of crowds of people, and at the back of them too. It's taken me to stand at marathon finishing lines whooping and hollering.

It's made me stand and wrestle and become.

It's led me through doors.

It's had me making coffee after coffee.

After coffee.

It's awarded me and wrecked me.

It has taught and is teaching me the power of YES and the art of NO.

It has shown me what it looks like to stay at my post.

It has let me play mum and SHOW UP.

I have come to love the refusal to not do halfway. No halfway relationships or Loves, Jobs, Days, Outfits, and maybe even almost Rests.

And I have wrestled with being young like it's both my friend and foe.

I have danced in the land of impossibilities. Jumped with joy as mountains have moved. 

And this rhythm has looked like running full pelt on a wild caper. Adventure after adventure. It's looked like grasping at opportunity with everything I am. And it's looked like doing nothing. It's looked like being exhausted from everything. And then getting up and doing it all again in the next thing. The new thing.

And for now that just is the rhythm. 

Rightly or wrongly. Healthily or not. 

Somehow there has to be enough grace in there. 

But in it all. In the glimpses of God's face. Discovering His beautiful. Dreaming bigger. Walking within the miracles. 

In the taking one step after another with little knowledge of the destination what I see is that my faith doesn't come first. 

God does.  

He reigns. 

And then there's not an order to it all because God comes first, the first shall be last and the last shall be first, and it all becomes upside down as we stop competing and we start living.

Because whatever we feel like is competing to come first: it's sure as anything not going to be my family, my friends, my happiness, and most certainly not my faith. 

It's God. 

And then to His glory comes the rest. 

Even when I choose to change that, even when I put my life on a pedestal, when I say what I want is more important. When I start chasing the dream career. Or my own space to dwell. Or I think that leaders being crazy is actually the end of the world. When I say God has forgotten me. 

Actually, truth be told, He has not forgotten me. He makes all things new. To His glory. It's Him first even when I say otherwise. It's always Him first. 

That's how it falls. And that's what it comes to. 

God first. He reigns. 

And somehow His faithfulness brings us to some crazy exciting wonder-full places. 

May the story continue to unfold.

To His glory.