I don’t know what to say.
I am not God. And I really can’t see what God is doing right now.
I want to be able to explain it, or do something about it. Because this situation is crazily unfair, ridiculously hard to sit in and my oh my this is taking trusting God to a place I have not entirely experienced.
I don’t know how you bring yourself to talk about it. The rowing emotions must be bringing you to your knees, because as angry or as frustrated or even as upset you might get, at the end of the day it is simply utterly disappointing.
Then we spoke to those girls, we shared our heart and I don’t know how you did it. Because it is all very well to say that when you’re walking with God it doesn’t always feel like He is there. It is all very well to say it, but when you are in the middle of it, when you’re not just in the middle but you’re sinking in it, that is hard.
I’ve ran away from speaking out of my place of disappointment: hard faith - the stuff that comes when we step into the long haul.
You stepped onto that water and with all my might I want you to stay there, to stay there without looking at the waves, and yet every part of me is in wonder that you haven’t stepped back into the boat, grabbed the oars and rowed in your own direction.
It would be understandable.
But that kite string. That kite string that enables you to fly, oh it really does feel trapping right now. It feels like you are being put in a box, and your horizons are being shrunk down. And yet, because we have seen God at work.
Because we walk within miracles.
Because we have an awareness of all that He is doing around us.
Somehow that tension of the kite string must be something that lets us feel at peace. Because those free fall moments when the string is not taut are scary times - so may that string catch us once more, may His tugs pull us back into dancing around amongst the winds.
All I can find within myself to cry out is hold on. Hold on and keep breathing.
Not that sort of holding on where someone runs off to get something or just has to do something and they’re asking you to simply wait without doing anything. I mean HOLD ON, grasp firmly the promises of God.
Look back to those times over and over and over and over again where we have seen Him move. Those mountains have hopped in utter abandonment time and time again,
it’s almost embarrassing.
We walk within miracles.
And so I step out and stand on truth and say that this is one too. Somehow this is a miracle. Somehow this is a greater fulfilment of the bigger picture.
It feels like He has dropped the brush altogether. Or maybe He’s left it on the side in that art room which means it may never show up again.
And yet this is wildly not the truth because really He is painting and refining to the most minute detail.
He has got this. It’ll be alright. We are in this for the long haul wherever it heads.
And keep breathing. We were once in a room together with Danielle Strickland preaching and she taught us spiritual breathing. So I remind you now to keep breathing.
Breathe out all the mess, the hurt, the hard, the frustrations – everything standing in the way.
and breathe in His peace, and love, and joy. And hope.
HOLD on to that hope that you are breathing in.
Let it stay there and rest. Because He has got this. We spring that one at each other for always. He has got this. But it is truth to a level neither of us are able to comprehend and yet have glimpsed at. He has got this.
I scream at Him with you and then I quieten too and realise that this is something more than you and Him and you want Him to come through and honour it all.
I hold your arms up, but He has the power.
May His glory be.
I hope this reaches you on a good day.
It doesn’t always feel like God pulls through, we are following what we thought was His plan and somehow it is jerked from underneath our feet. It’s a hard place to find yourself. He has got it & that’s what I write on today.