Last week I hit breaking point. Twice.
That point where your rational brain hits a wall, your emotions overflow and your body simply collapses.
I don't like it when it happens. I like to be my own tower of strength. I like to hold the control and to feel like I have a handle on everything.
And yet there I was completely falling under the pressure.
How easy it is to mix falling and failing and to feel like a failure.
Today I went back to my day in day out job. I went back to the making coffee, the serving: the same 6 questions. And the smiling.
I went back and I found release in the repetition: in the mundane.
But more than that I went back and found my eyes opened to Jesus at work. Because as depression takes yet another life I see each customer as who they are, I see the possibilities of the statistics they may fill and then beyond that into the ultimate truth of who their Creator says they are.
And for me. For me I remembered how to pray again. I remembered the care that Jesus has for this very moment here: for the mundane. And I bend my heart towards Him and ask Him to step in as we have targets to reach, and food to sell.
I didn't try to prove His existence, I didn't try to bring someone else to Him, I simply let Him in on the mundane repetitions of making coffee and selling food, and I can say for sure that He stepped in. Because though customers weren't in their thousands the paninis were flying off the shelf and by the power of the Holy Spirit I believe God moved in that place.
Because yes there is a bigger picture, yes there is more to this story, but ultimately when God's child remembers again to turn to Him and simply asks for the paninis to sell, He really does have the choice to make that mountain move.
God doesn't want us to get to breaking point but when we do He knows how to change it for good. How to use it to bring us back to Him and how to let it remind our hearts of who He names us.