Monday, 23 December 2013

Oh those glimpses I speak of.

I think I may have just caught a glimpse of God in His deeply joy-filled Holiness. Today I sit in the darkness. 

I cower in the corner as the wind rages and the rain - it slams against the shaking window panes. But as I cower His love enters in. His presence surrounds. 

And I find a glimmer of why Christmas. 

I've been searching for years. This isn't a simple journey; this is a quest of my yearning soul. 

Because all I seek is a light: a hope. And finally; 23 days too late I catch a glimpse right here: http://youtu.be/5eFCqpRsl6g .  Thank God that He takes up dwelling outside the realms of time and boxes and controlling forces. Because never is it too late to let the heart hear. 

It keeps coming back, over. And over. And over. "You shall find refuge under huge shadow of His wings". And yet all I can say is, "Will I now. Will I?"  Because it sure doesn't feel like it. 

When everything takes over. When all energy reserves are gone and only adrenaline keeps you going. It sure doesn't feel like it when the only people getting glory are the very ones who you've been standing against. 

Life continues. As I cower in the darkness. 

And my phone screen lights. A friend checking in. Oh I'm fine, just staying in bed for today. 

And forever. 

These falling-from-cliff days come. And they scare. And they confuse. And they drain hope. 

You can see it spiralling down the hole. 

But there is a God greater than all. A God so great, in His vulnerability, He was only greater. No stable could ever cradle the one Whose wings give refuge to all. 

And so today I lay my head down and let Him hold me. Let Him whisper into my heart. And let Christmas be okay.