Wednesday, 6 November 2013

I am not a Jesus Feminist.

Oh how can I say this? I am not a Jesus Feminist

And thanking God that the beautiful people who prompted this will be crazy enough to give me the grace and the space to let that be okay. 

I read the book already - to review - and I am trying to write about how beautiful and stunning and oh I just can't put into words - it's Sarah all over - absolutely delightful! I just totally love her and all she writes. 

I want to build God's Kingdom just like Sarah writes - and I want to stand with men {as equal} in that. But for now I'm just not calling myself a Jesus Feminist. 

I know it's this word, feminist, and I've read all the posts about Christians being scared of the word - and I know it's nowhere near as threatening as I make it out to be in my head. And - truth be told - I am a feminist. When I look right into the depths, and even just on the surface, of my heart it aligns with all that feminism stands for. 

But still I can't let the words fall from my mouth. 

I can't stand that there's a mens event and a ladies event. I am a woman. I don't like to be called a lady - it makes me feel degraded, and less-than and why don't we have really awesome speakers come and talk to us like the men do?! 

The wounds are raw, and current, and sometimes they bleed real bad. The forgiveness it takes to return to those places, to love on and learn from the people who seem to place me below them so often can only be found at the foot of the cross. There is a boldness needing awakening - there is a time coming where I will need to make my voice heard; I will need to let God be a God who holds women up too - because sometimes we are the ones who need to let Him in so others may see that the gender we were born does not affect our calling. 

A time will come - and is perhaps upon us - when we must let the lioness out. God is laying the pavement before us - let us be ready to step out. Men and women: arm in arm. Because you matter and so do I. 

And there really is all these feelings stirring there in a heart that is thrashing BIG and wrestling mightily but for now I sit in this grace-space where I refuse to give myself a label. I don't even like to call myself a Christian. Labels and all the connotations they come with just don't sit okay with me right now.

I do not understand why I should have to battle against the limitations that my gender puts around me as well as my age. Sometimes it just gets so airless in here - and the world begins to shrink and throttle me and suddenly I am gasping. Gasping. GASPing for air. And I choke on the lack of space to just be. In the end all that is left is God and me. Me and God. And He holds me tight - in a space giving: BREATH giving kind of way.

So in this grace-space I will stay and I will holler loud and cheer you on as you stand for what is good and true and mighty and so God's Kingdom. 

I am breathing out slow - as I lean back into arms that let it be okay. I am not a Jesus Feminist {though really I am}. But I love you for being bolder than I am right now. 

This post is part of the BEAUTIFUL Sarah Bessey's synchroblog to celebrate the release of her amazing new book, Jesus Feminist. Calling men and women to stand together for God's Kingdom come. Find the original post here.