Well I can.
But you know what I mean.
I actually said no. I hated myself for it, it took me more than a week to get there, but I did do it at least!
I still don't feel totally fantastic about it, in fact I feel like I kind of missed out on something, but I am perhaps learning to be okay with the nothing-ness.
I know I need to embrace the nothing-ness and use it and all that, but this is the start.
You and I both know that this isn't going to be easy. Hey how many times have I written a blogpost showing transformation and such beautiful hope and then turned round the very next day and slice it all to pieces? But this is the start.
These are the first few steps to somewhere else. Somewhere where life is lived a whole lot fuller.
God never fails. Let me tell you that. God never fails, really never - never ever. I am heading into a rut again and it does have similar features to the rut I dived into last year at this time, but this is a year on.
And I don't know. This is probably the most ramble-y I have ever been...
God doesn't really care. I feel lost and confused and so much more. But God is whispering into my heart and I am working on breaking the walls to my heart down. Well I say I'm working on it but that's a load of tosh, it is totally God.
I don't care what anyone says it is ALL totally God! Honestly. Every last bit is God.
I know no part of who I am that wasn't God. He made me. Don't you get that? He really made me.
And then He shaped, and moulded and grew me!
And I am trying to find the excitement and exhilaration again!