Tuesday, 27 August 2013

I'm in a wrestling match...

...and I'm not sure who is winning.

So actually I am meant to be planning a session for tomorrow...correction I am meant to have PLANNED a session for tomorrow BY now, but that is yet to happen...

But, back to the point, that wrestling match....

I don't like reading the Bible right now, it is not calling my name, and I'd rather leave it down the side of my bed than pick it up and read...

I know there are many who will read that and start being concerned about where I am at with my faith, just to reassure you I want to say I'm not too sure about Church right now either, and I am feeling so lost.

I am completely unsure as to where God is, and yet I see Him under my nose.

I am opening my eyes to the religion I am drowning in, and I am beginning to struggle and wrestle and thrash about as I decide what is religion and what is relationship.

I can see God, He is in that romcom I watched instead of sleeping the other night...

He is in that girl who opens her ears and lets me be me...

He is in the energy that fills these weakened bones....

He is that spring in my step, that let's me be called crazy....

I feel lost, but in the words of a very wise friend of mine I am 'never lost - just wandering'.

God tells me over and over and over

and over:

I've got you.

Grace, I've got you.

And of course I hear, and of course I write it down, and of course my heart doesn't listen, and of course He says it again.

I've got you.

Grace, I've got you.

And He repeats forever and a day....

I can't be lost...

Perhaps the story of Jonah isn't one to scare you into obedience, but to reassure you as you wander...

I so want to run.

I would so rather be swallowed by a big fish right now.

Good thing God is in big fishes too.