Tuesday, 9 July 2013

There's a whole lot of valleys, and I keep crying.

I just can't hold it together. Maybe you have noticed but every month or so I post something new about how miserable, or angry, or hurt, or just plain lost I am. And, let's be honest, it is rather negative.

I am finding myself in a bit of a minefield, one minute I am on the top of the mountain admiring the view and soaking it all in, when the next...

BANG! BAM! POW!

...the ground falls beneath my feet, I fall and hit the bottom of the valley with a giant THUD.

And my emotions just don't hold out through the roller coaster.

The truth is, I am going to fizzle out if I don't stop.

I know it. Everyone around me knows it.

And I am beginning to accept it. {And many shall cry "Finally!" to that.}

Perhaps sustaining would be better, well, of course it is.

But, really, it is time for a break. After months and months and months of battling through, of picking myself up, dusting myself off and trying to keep going, I can't do it any longer.

God would not have me live this way, and now is the time for me to learn to be me again.

I tell everyone I'm an introvert hiding in an extrovert's skin... but I don't let the introvert have her space, and it is time I did.

It is time to learn what recharging is. It is time to not let all that pushes me down take me over.

It is time to take a nice, great, massive step into the life, life and more life, that Jesus promises me.

There may be a time for tears.... and I mustn't bottle my emotion up.

But there is a time for a rest, there is a time to realise that tears can't take over and there is a time to let laughter have its reign.

{there is a place for the valleys, because without them where would the mountain tops be? but I must find myself resting in and relying fully on God when they come.}