Tuesday, 30 July 2013

Mandy gets naked and changes my life.

Oh yes, my friend from BFT messaged me not so long ago. He wanted to know what book I would read to review this month....

{He reviews about six books, and I do one. He holds down a million billion jobs and I sit on my bum. But hey, he's more experienced.}

He gave me a choice of two, with a brief description of each. I could see that one would be nice to read and would help me, but I could tell the other would really challenge my faith, I would hate it, and struggle through, but it would be worth it.

I was in such a dip. I was so low it is hard for me to put into words. I told him I wanted the easier option, the one that would be, y'know, just nice.

A good book, but just 'nice'.

Then I stared at my choice written there on the screen, I saw the chicken in me. I saw the cowardice, and I knew, I just knew right down in my gut that I needed to read the other one.

I'm now 70 pages from the end of Mandy Steward's book, Thrashing about with God. It's a pre-release, and I just feel bad you can't get a hold of it until October.

I hated it. I knew I would, and I really did, even more than I imagined.

Mandy really says what's happening, she hides nothing, and lets herself lay naked.

It is hard to see, especially as you begin to really look at someone else's cracks, and issues, your own are revealed in so much more depth.

I have most certainly been thrashing about and wrestling with God this month.

It's real hard.

Like real, real hard.

But completely amazing, and as the hurts and deep cuts are revealed, I begin to understand how much healing I have to go through.

But I've got eternity, and though my faith has been tried and tested, I am excited and strengthened, and more in love with God every day.

OH how can I say this really?

I don't like the Bible any more, I don't like Church much, I am trying to come to terms with what is wrong in my heart, and in doing that, I am struggling with these things. And that's the honest truth of it.

I'm not just copying Mandy {as I'd kinda hoped}. It's the absolute truth.

I have heard the same story over and over and over and over and over.

For years on end, and this is me saying there is so much more to all of this. These things help me get closer to God, but they're not God Himself, and He is who I am learning to seek in every thing I come across.

And these are just my ramblings. And I have no idea if anyone really reads them. And maybe that does kinda get me funny, but that's really not why I write.

Here is me.

This is me.

I am wrestling with God.

And He is revealing and blessing and OH JUST WOW.

This butt-kicking summer has already left me completely exhausted, on my hands and knees.

But God is okay with that.

Y'know, God loves me.

God loves me forever and a day.

Whether I choose the easy option or not.

All I can add all these months later {its October} is I am STILL THRASHING.... this girl won't be settling down any time soon... probably not ever. I just would love to encourage you to buy Mandy's book: honestly it is the best thing I've read this year. It changed me, opened me up and let me glimpse and want for something more. You can see my review here, but more importantly you can buy the amazing book itself here.