Saturday, 4 May 2013


Jackie Pullinger said "Too young and unqualified to join a missionary society, I asked God what to do with my life. 'Go,' he replied and repeated this whenever I asked; and when I inquired where, he added 'Go, and I will lead you. I went. On the advice of a minister I took the cheapest ship I could find, calling in at the greatest number of countries. I got on and prayed to know where to get off."

I have been feeling so frustrated.  I SO want my word to be 'Go', I want God to be sending me out, I want to board the train with an unknown destination, but with excitement, anticipation and wonder at where abouts God is going to take me.  I want to be stepping out of this, of who I am right Now, and stepping into what I see as God's plan for my life.

But no, God has said, oh so clearly, 'Wait'.

So, I guess that is what I am doing. He said 'Wait with patience' and MAN am I having a fit at that.

"I don't want to wait! I want to get out there and go, I want to stop messing about with all this and actually DO something.  I want to live my life, without being held back by age restrictions.  I so want to get out of here!"

But God hears me screaming, He holds me in His hand, and He lets me shout my throat hoarse, He lets me throw my arms and legs about, but when I am tired of screaming; when I finally shut up and listen, He says it calm and clear, 'Grace I love you, I want you to wait.'

And I hate it, I can't stand it, I am wriggling around, itching to get out.  But there's that bit of me, that knows deep down that if waiting is what God is asking of me, it is the best thing for me.

It doesn't change the fact I don't want to do it though, its the number one thing I complain about to those I know best.

"This Hebrew word 'patiently' is in the Bible fifty-three times.  Four times it is defined as 'waiting patiently', 'to wait', 'waiting', or 'waited'.  Forty-nine times it is defined as 'writing in pain, as in childbirth' or 'whirling in the air in dance'."  - Face to face with God, by Bill Johnson.

But then, someone read this to me, and my worldly perspective of what it is to wait patiently was thrown right out the window.

Patience is not simply 'waiting with a good attitude' as the dictionary says, but it is so much more than that. God's perspective on patience is a whole lot bigger than I'd thought.  He wants me to be proactive, He wants me to live with passion, He wants me to move, to not be passive, He wants me to be "intensely focused" on what I am doing {as a dancer}.

Bill Johnson goes on to say, "This is waiting patiently for God.  It has intense focus, disciplined resolve, and a conviction that nothing else will satisfy."

And suddenly Waiting is not this dormant process that I have to sit it out for, it's not a waiting room where I sit in boredom reading a magazine I'm not interested in, and if it is a waiting room, it is one where I keep my eyes focused on the door, ready for it to open any minute, it is one where I am being prepared for whatever it is on the other side of the door, and it is one where I don't even consider looking for another door.

This sort of Waiting is a sort of Waiting I WANT to be doing.  I want to be throwing my all into Waiting, I want to be focused on God, I want to be seething in pain and whirling in the air, not simply floating, but whirling!

God has a plan in the Waiting too, the Waiting is one step of a bigger plan, but within the Waiting is things I can't imagine!

Perhaps, when I change my perspective of Waiting from what I think it to be, to what God declares it is, Waiting is actually something I WANT to get involved with.  Now THAT is a miracle.