Friday, 22 March 2013

What a mess.

I told someone to get a life, to get over themselves, and rounded it off with a four-letter word.

Yes I did that.  Today.  A couple of hours ago.

And it wasn't even to someone I don't like.

In fact I claim to love this person.

This is not okay.  How am I going to get up in front of a load of kids and share the hope of Easter?

It took me around 10 minutes to open Sarah Bessey and find this...


Yeah, I was like, oh great.

What have I done this time?

My mouth, it runs before me, and I don't seem to have very much control with it.

One minute I'm sharing how God has said this or called me to that. And the next?  I'm telling someone I claim to love exactly what I think of them.

Since when has that been okay?

So I did turn back and say sorry, but no its not really resolved yet.

And no I feel terrible about myself, and I feel so very unworthy.

And I don't want to find the hope, and I don't deserve to dream bigger, and this, it is never, ever, ever going to change.

Every time I run into a brick wall and I fall right down again.

"Lord you catch me when I am falling and you you tell me who I am.... I am yours." - Who am I,Casting Crowns.

God, He never fails to claim me back again, He holds me in His arms and He really never ever lets me go.

I am unworthy.  But God restores my worthiness and brings me back again.

I'm hoping it will be resolved, but who knows where this dog's dinner of a mess will end up.

There is hope though, there is always hope, and there is such an overflowing of gratitude.

I am undeserving of this but that is the miracle of grace.

I may be un-grace-full but I know someone who is overflowing.  It is not my grace that is needed it is God's grace...ALL is grace, and by His grace He picks us up again, and makes us new once more.

There is a reason to carry on, in spite of my messy-ness.  There is a reason to get up in front of kids, because actually who I am is not what concerns them, it is who God is and the hope and future and life He can offer them.

It's not okay for me to shove people to the floor and out of the way with my words, but God gives me a way through my own mess, to dream bigger in spite of it all/