Friday, 8 March 2013

Is this all fake?

I feel a bit scared and daunted when I read people's stories and they talk about how they were when they were my age, and how in hindsight they realise they'd got it completely wrong.

Is this all fake?

Am I going through all this stuff and on this journey making big deals out of things that really just don't matter?

Is this all fake?

How can I not feel down heartened when people are so often looking back at their younger self and putting it down, am I going to be in that position?

I could do it, even now, I don't know how many years it took e, but it was certainly a very long time before I realised that this 'being-a-Christian' thing that I had joined, was a journey, and its okay to not change overnight, its okay to keep working at it.

Its not that I did anything wrong, I just thought differently to the truth, but now I realise my mistake I don't look back and criticise my previous self, I understand why I thought the things I did, and I say it is okay.

Accepting who we are is of the upmost importance, but who we are was made by who we were, so we need to learn to accept that too.

This is a journey of change and a journey of learning and of new expediences, and it is scary to know that I've still got a ton of learning to do, because I'm setting out into the big, scary world as a novice.  Surely it would be easier to have learnt it all already? Yet, that is not how it works, and it is not by my strength or by my learning that this will happen, but by God's...and that is what keeps me going.

I am learning to proclaim, and announce, and take hold of what God is calling me to.

I want to recognise that He can do this, and I don't need to be scared.  I may not feel ready, but He is preparing me, and I can do all things through Christ, because He strengthens me, and He never leaves me.

Is this all fake?

Absolutely not, it is where I am meant to be right now, and God is here with me, and He's helping me through the current challenges whilst preparing me for the ones to come.