Saturday, 9 February 2013

I can't be bothered.

God's timing never ceases to amaze me, because okay so I shouldn't be surprised by the things God does, because how little faith is that? But God is AMAZING and I want to celebrate that for all of my days!

It is truly incredible and completely remarkable the way that He weaves everything together and makes it all so perfect.

And sometimes I just want to give up, what's the point really? Am I just putting on a front and pushing myself forward trying to enjoy it all?

Because that will never get me anywhere.

And that hole next to me is only getting deeper, and it seems to be getting harder to see her right down there, and how am I meant to rescue her?  How am I meant to keep on loving her when she's so distant?  Her ears seem so closed? Her heart like a brick wall, and that's leading me nowhere.

And the hopelessness, 'oh no don't do that, do THIS its so much easier and much less likely to flop' and okay so its just advice but its discouraging, and it makes it hard to dream big, in God it IS realistic.

I'm trusting that He won't let this fail, and He will guide me through this.

And what about the bigger things, I might say I don't want them but God knows what is written on the depths of my heart better than I do.  He sees past any bitterness and He sees all the pain and the hurt.  He comes to cleanse and refresh, bring value and worth, and give HOPE.

There are days when all I want is to curl into a ball and forget it all.

But I'm trying to remember the coke can, and fall into the truth that all energy and effort comes from my Father, the King.