Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Now is getting tough.

As January leaves us flailing in its wake and we head into February like a hurricane, the storm clouds are moving overhead.  Because the truth is, I feel like a failure.

A couple of weeks ago I was jumping at every opportunity, I was throwing myself wholeheartedly into everything that came my way, I was living Now, as best as I knew how.

But now? Now I feel like a failure, because as the stuff in those opportunities starts to pan out, I am so unbelievably scared! And I really want to chicken out of this.

And am I really living Now, when I still, can't manage to be fully awake in every moment?

I am daring to agree to things I'd rather not do, and when I could be helping out in my free time, I am being tempted by the idea of sitting on my bum, twiddling my thumbs, and just writing about living Now rather than actually doing it!

There are temptations all around, and when the Now-things start to loom over, and I am feeling SO daunted, its taking every bit of courage I can find to just keep going with this.

I said my One Word for 2013 was Now.  Not for January, for 2013.  So this needs to push on through.

Even in the hard times I need to live Now.

I'm still hung up on the past, still longing for my dreams of the future, and still: Now looks pretty ugly to be honest.