Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Courage

Sometimes stepping out takes courage.

Actually, stepping out always takes courage... "Courage is not the absence of fear; courage is being scared to death and doing the right thing anyway."

Living Now is not about getting comfortable and snuggled up ready to enjoy the ride, it is about getting out there and using every single moment of the journey to LIVE.

And that takes a lot of courage and I am so blinking scared.

You know that look in the rabbit's eyes as the giant lorry's headlights charges full-speed towards it in the middle of the road?  Yeah, that look.  That's how I feel, I feel really vulnerable.  Even if I do step up to the plate and jump aboard that lorry, what about the next one, and the next one, and the next one...and the next one?

See there's all these things flying at me, and I feel like a clown-balancing-act with all the juggling and balancing and choosing-between I seem to be doing at the moment.

One minute I'm laughing and joking and jumping and loving through life, the next I'm flat out on the floor screaming for rescue.

There are those moments that bring me through the week, once a week 3 or 4 or 5 of us gather together at Starbucks...we spend out £2.95 and for 2 or 3 hours we sit and we talk.  There's something about those people, I can just be totally me with, they're brave enough to tell me when I'm wrong, and they're willing to hold my hand when I cry, and they laugh and laugh and laugh both at and with me.  They remind me not to take myself too seriously, and I learn about them, and somehow it seems to hold my week together.

There are times when it is okay to sit back and relax, and cry, and laugh, and just talk every thing out of us, until the silence is a comfortable one because no one has anything else to say, but they're just happy to be with each other.

But I can't spend my whole life on a couch, drinking £2.95 hot chocolates, with friends who don't seem to mind piecing me back together.

I have got to step out, stand up in front of people, do the next exam, face things I don't like.  Live in the reality that the world does change.

I love to be with people who show me love in a way that blows me away, and blesses over and over.  But they are my comfort zone, they're who I let my guard down and settle into the moment with.

Maybe my challenge to dare to live is to settle into every moment? Whether the person I'm with loves me, hates me, and even whether I love or hate them.

Maybe I need to cherish every moment as it is, for the Beauty that is in it.

That's going to take courage, true courage, the sort of courage that I can only find within me when God is in me, and I in Him.