I have a spring in my step, I take a breath and I feel invigorated. I look around and everything seems so much brighter, and so much more full of life.
Someone sprinkled the sparkle back into my life, and it feels so, so amazing!
I made a really hard decision at the beginning of the week, I decided to drop out and stop doing one of my major commitments. It is hard when you have committed to something, to decide to stop doing it, it is hard to know what the right decision is, for both the long-term and the short. I really wasn't sure where to take the decision, but I felt stressed and I had had enough. I wasn't enjoying it, and I felt like it just had to go.
I faced up to my fears, swallowed down everything telling me to just hide in the shadows, and I went ahead and said I wasn't going to do it anymore.
I had so much contrasting advice within the process, and a lot of people didn't really understand, but now, after having stopped doing it for a few days, I feel on top of the world.
It has freed up my time, leaving me to be able to live properly, giving me space to cherish each moment I have, and giving me the choice of how I want to spend my time. And suddenly, I am more ready to live than I have been in months.
I am more ready to live in the now, than I have been in months.
Now is good, now is not making me want to run away, now is something I enjoy, and cherish.
I feel like it is down to me what I do with my time, it is down to me, and I can change what I want to, and yes everything just seems so different.
I am tired at the end of a day that I chose to be busy in, but its a contented tired, its a tired that wants to wake up in the morning.
Sleep seems so much more appealing, when tomorrow is no longer the worst possible outcome.
I can now accept sleep as a gift, rather than a precursor to something I don't want to do: stress and worry myself through another day.
A whole massive weight has been lifted from me, and now I want to get stuck into this next part of my journey. I want to make it beautiful, I want to work in every single detail, I want to let God direct me more, and as I am allowed more control of my own life, I want to learn to give that control over to God.
Waiting with a good attitude, patience, no longer seems so daunting, or hard, God is working within every area of my life, He is moving, and He is blessing me with transformation, and giving me freedom in release.
He is empowering me, and letting me know, again and again, that I am loved.
Decisions are hard to make, especially when they are big, life-affecting decisions, and we don't know the possible outcomes.
I want to give all glory to God, even if His glory is shown through simply: a less stressed life.
I am genuinely happy to be alive. I am genuinely wanting to run, and I am genuinely okay with curling up into bed for a good night's sleep, so that I am ready, and refreshed for another day tomorrow. And it is beautiful, and there is so, so much grace in it all. And the grace is shining out, through all the smiles, and the bouncing, and the rejoicing.
The now seems to be filled with as much hope as the future is filled with, and THAT is amazing!!