Tuesday, 26 June 2012

Things ending, growing up, change and time moving. It's hard.

Yesterday marked an end for me. 

I find things hard when they end.  Even when I’ve hated them, they still leave me with this emptiness that I need to fill.

Change is one of the biggest things that I just find impossible to cope with.  I am one of those people who would like to stay in a rut, who thinks it is easier to just carry on, where I am, even if that’s not what is best.

The future and growing up, as things come to an end, the prospects of growing-up become scarier.  It’s not like I haven’t grown up already, I’m not a teeny tiny baby anymore, but growing even further?  Am I ready for that yet?  I’m not sure if I am ready yet.

There is a part of me that can feel myself itching to escape these boots, I’ve grown out of them and I just want to move on.  But there is an even bigger part, that is scared, that is saying, ‘You are not ready, you never will be!’  This part makes me feel small; it makes me feel unprepared, and worried about what the future brings.

I don’t have much choice in the matter, time is always moving, and with it brings change.  Sometimes that change is bad, and can hurt you, but much more often change is the best thing for you. 

I am really scared of what is going to happen in the future.  I find the unknown scary, and the future is certainly unknown.  Except, it’s not, because if I put all my trust into God, and His timing, He says, ‘My plans for your future are filled with hope.’  If I grab hold of those plans with two hands, then I do know about the future, I know what it will be filled with, I know it won’t be an easy ride, but it will be filled with hope.  The unknown starts to not be so foggy, and as the clouds clear I see this huge, flashing sign pointing in the direction of my future, it says ‘HOPE, this way’.

We all grow up, but God’s holding my hand, He’s helping me with that.  He’s helping me as my life changes, and evolves, He’s helping me through it, guiding me.  He's putting friends and family around me, amazing people, who without I don't know where I'd be.  He is giving me gifts by the thousands every day.  He is blessing me beyond measure.

‘This is my God, let us own Him, proclaim it.’ – Sunday Evening Praise and Worship

This is my God, He is my Father, He looks after me.  But, He is God, He can be all my father and all yours at the same time.  He offers us all plans for the future that are filled with hope.  And He will guide us through it all.

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. (Psalm 119:105)